“Purpose is what gives life meaning."

A friend once told me that it is much easier to deal with your own grief than that of someone you love. There really is truth to that. At the moment, half a world away, Tim's funeral is being held. They will have him in a casket and following the "celebration" he will be cremated. His ashes will then be scattered in a place he and Ian used to hike together.

Shortly after Tim was diagnosed, we were talking online and he asked me how Ian was coping. He explained that he worried for his son because he remembered when his own father became sick. I assured him I would take care of Ian and he said he knew and how grateful he was that Ian had me. At the time I cried, telling myself that it would be okay but realizing those words would probably one day come into play. I have told everyone that Ian is okay, but I know he is not. I honestly can't imagine being in his place right now, nor do I want to. I know how extremely close Tim and Ian were and I know Ian is really hurting over losing Tim. Of course, he is being a male and insisting that he must be strong for everyone else. When it comes down to it, he hasn't been coming to bed until 4am in attempts to avoid thinking.

Today we had plans to go car shopping but it snowed and neither of us felt like venturing out to the dealerships. We are still looking for a car for Ian and trading in my Odyssey for a newer one. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but hopefully two cars because I hate car shopping!