A life lost

Ian's dad died last night. My MIL called us at 3am (their time) and talked to Ian for about an hour. At 7am the hospice called and said Tim's health was deteriorating. He spent most of the day unconscious, which was a blessing because he feared dying while gasping for breath. Colleen, my mother-in-law, dressed him in the clothes he had asked to be put it, things he would have worn while cycling, kayaking, running and hiking: A beenie, Northface shorts, a fleece short sleeved top and the Merrell running shoes he bought while visiting us last year.
He died at 3:30pm with Colleen, Megan (Ian's 23 year old sister) and two family friends with him.

Dannah and Pop.

While expected, the reality wasn't any easier. Ian and I held each other until 3am last night, crying and talking. We told the girls this morning and the conversation went much as we expected it to. Dannah and Natalie were very upset and Hallie suggested that we give Pop a shot and some vitamins and he would get better. She also pointed out that she was in hospital too, when she was a tiny baby.

2007: Pop and Hallie

This was not how things were supposed to play out. He was not an old man! Our girls have lost the experience of having him in their lives. So many people have been cheated. I feel so badly for Ian, who has lost the person who he has looked up to his entire life.

2008: Pop and Natalie

Due to time restraints, Ian has made the decision not to fly back to Australia to attend the funeral. His mother and uncle both offered to pay for the flight, regardless of cost, but Ian said he had already said his goodbyes. Instead, he has decided to take a week off of work and spend it with the girls and I.

2007: Tim with Claire, Colleen.

Before he died, he asked Colleen to visit us once a year. I truly hope she does this, as they have been such an important part of our lives. While we have had month (+) long visits once a year, Ian had spoken with his dad online nearly every night since moving to the US. His parents both adored the girls and often spoke with them as well. It's still very surreal to see Tim's screen name online on MSN, set to "Away".

Our Family: 2007
My parents, Ian's parents and us.

June 2008: The last photo I took of the four of them.

Thankful

There are many reasons to be thankful! We are very fortunate to have four amazing, beautiful, healthy little girls. Even on the days where I'm ready to pull out all of my hair, I realize how very lucky I am.

Wednesday I woke up to discover a brick had been thrown through Ian's rear windshield. I was pretty shocked, considering we live in a very safe, quiet neighborhood. In fact, I don't think any of our neighbors are under the age of 50. Fortunately, we had been planning to sell the car and we knew it wasn't worth much. We decided it would be better to just donate the car and Goodwill is scheduled to pick it up tomorrow. I am very grateful the damage wasn't to my van, which Ian had taken to work with him that morning.

We spent Thanksgiving with my parents and a couple of family friends. It was nice, quiet and there was far more food than we could eat. We spent the evening playing with the kids, followed by the six of us crowding on the couch to watch Wall-E. It was really nice to wind down and spend time with the kids.

Tim's (my FIL) condition has been getting progressively worse. Three days ago, I was annoyed with the constant ringing of the phone and had decided not to bother to check it. My MIL then called my mom and by the time she reached me she was very upset. Tim had another breathing "episode" and had been taken to hospice the night before. He won't be returning home. The entire situation is so tragic, I can't even begin to try to relate. They were married 30 years ago, in their early twenties and had so many plans for the future. I really didn't know any words of comfort.

In better news, I have completed most of my Christmas shopping! Ian received his bonus on Thanksgiving, so we took full advantage of the Thanksgiving/Black Friday deals. We opted to order most of our gifts online this year to save dealing with the crowds. I am extremely excited for our Gymboree package to get here, I was able to order some of the outfits I have been eying for ages! The little things in life really do please me!

An 8 year old's drama

As much as I have tried to be reasonable, I have officially turned into one of those mothers. From the time we enrolled Dannah and Natalie in kindergarten, we specifically requested that the girls be put into separate classes. Having their own friends, space, and identities was very important to us. After Dannah was put into the GT program it became a non-issue.

Recently, it was brought to my attention that Natalie was being picked on by a couple of girls in her specials group. When she informed the teacher of this, the teacher responded by saying, "Am I E. or M.? Go work it out with them." Finally, after hearing what these children were saying to Natalie, I went to Natalie's teacher and expressed my disappointment in how this situation was being handled. I asked that Natalie be moved to another group. She told me that instead of moving Natalie, she would ask that the girls who were bullying be separated. There are three groups of 2nd graders, so I assumed it would be taken care of.

Today Dannah comes home in tears and tells me that they did separate the girls, but in the process they pulled Dannah out of her group and put her into Natalie's! They left one of the bullies in Natalie's group, moved the other to the 3rd group and I'm assuming placed Dannah with Natalie so that she could help protect her. I was furious!

I called Natalie's teacher and explained why I was upset about Dannah being put in the middle of this situation, to which she told me she would see what she could do. I then called the specials teacher and told her that I wanted Dannah placed back in her original group and I did not appreciate her bringing Dannah into a situation that had nothing to do with her. While I remained polite, she responded fairly harsh to me over the phone but agreed to place Dannah back in her original group.

Unfortunately, the issue is far from over. I feel horrible about it because one mother is threatening to pull her child from the school due to one of the girls being placed in her group. While normally I would sum it up to this parent's decision, she is really the only other parent I have connected with and her daughter is the only solid friendship Natalie has formed.

Am I being irrational by being ticked over how this situation was handled?

The days have managed to slowly slip by. This weekend I agreed to allow both Dannah and Natalie to each invite a friend over for the night. In addition to the two extra girls, I ended up watching a friend's 4 year old son. Having seven kids running around is one way to occupy time, and I even survived, if only with a little less sanity!

Ian and I have been trying to talk in our spare time. He seems to be doing well, has been shipped off to multiple family friends to repair computer problems, but he doesn't seem to mind. If anything, the fact that people are asking for any of his time while he's there annoys me far more than it annoys him.

Today I had Hallie's parent/teacher conference. Other than being the youngest child in the class, she's doing very well! I still have some issues with the fact that my three year old was placed in a classroom with mostly five year olds, but the options are very limited. She really seems to be settling down, which is a positive thing considering Hallie has never been an easy child.

Natalie, Dannah and Claire are also doing well. Dannah received mostly fours on her report card, with a few 3+. She is being graded on a 3rd-4th grade level, so I am quite proud of how she's doing in the program. Natalie is also doing awesome, with all 3s on her report card. She really seems to be excelling this year. Claire is cutting four molars and has been in quite a mood lately. I hate the teething stage! Poor kiddo.

I am surviving. I still hate going to bed alone, but am grateful that Ian will be coming home. I really need a break and am hoping to talk him into a nice date night in the near future. I honestly can't remember the last time we went out without the kids.

Gotta Be Somebody

Ian called to let me know that Tim had been taken by ambulance this morning. Apparently he was having a lot of pain, which made breathing difficult. Ian said that Tim told him to go wait for the ambulance, that he didn't want Ian to see him like that. I texted Ian's sister and asked for an update, an hour later Ian replied and said they were in the ER and Tim's pain was being controlled by IV meds. Currently, I have no idea what is going on or if anyone will bother to contact me. I almost feel like it's "need to know information" and I'm not on the list of needing to know. I really hate being half a world away.

In other unrelated news, we picked up Dannah's glasses. She is thrilled and made comments about being able to see things she didn't know she wasn't able to see before. My poor child!

Snipped

The good thing? Ian made it to Australia. The bad thing? His luggage did not. As of last night it was somewhere between LAX and Sydney airport. In the meantime, I suppose he'll be borrowing some clothes from his dad.

I did talk to Ian for awhile last night. He was tired after his flights and a bit shocked over his dad's condition. I have a feeling he was expecting his dad to be weak, much like our previous trip, but not bed ridden and unable to walk anywhere on his own. He said his dad cried when he saw him, which reassures me we made the right decision for Ian to visit now.

Today I went to the salon and had just over 9 inches cut off. I love it! My hair hasn't been this short since I met Ian and it's nice to have a change. I am going to make an effort to keep up with it, as I can no longer shove it in a ponytail and go on my way.






Before, a bad self portrait.














After.

Heads we will and tails we'll try again

I am grateful I booked Ian's tickets on a whim, because I've been a total mess over the idea of him going. I spent most of the day in spontaneous tears, which is very unlike me. I honestly have no idea how I'm going to cope for eleven days without him! I intend on having both Hallie and Claire in bed with me to make it a little less empty. I hate this. I am so attached and dependent on my husband, he really is my rock. I realize I am being completely ridiculous.































The girls are all doing well. Dannah and Natalie had Friday off, so I managed to get them both in to the optometrist. The result was glasses for Dannah. Her vision was 50/20 in both eyes and I expected this day would come. Genetics were definitely not on her side. She picked out some pretty frames and her order should be in by Monday or Tuesday. Natalie, who has perfect eyes, was devastated that she wouldn't be getting glasses, too. I only hope she keeps her 20/20 vision, glasses are expensive!

I have booked an appointment at the salon on Tuesday to get my long hair chopped off. I really need something different. I've become accustom to pulling it back in a ponytail every day and I'm sure it looks terrible. I'm really looking forward to the change, so we'll see how it turns out.

I suppose I should help Ian pack. Ugh.

Death is the one thing we all have in common

Things have been tough lately. My father-in-law was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in early April. A shock for everyone, considering he was an otherwise healthy 54 year old non-smoker. In a matter of months he went from a marathon cyclist to wheelchair bound.

In May we took the girls to Australia to spend a month with their grandparents. We wanted the girls to form memories, although we are fully aware that Hallie and Claire are too young to remember much, if anything. Tim certainly still had his good and bad days, but kept his sense of humor. We took turns going with him to radiation and the girls got to "color" on Pop as they marked him. The uncertain future made leaving difficult and while the girls were oblivious, my heart broke for Ian.

Today Colleen (my MIL) called at 8am (2am their time) to let us know that Tim was in the hospital with bleeding in the brain and a clot in his "good" lung. He has signed his DNR and declined in-hospice care, so that he can return home to die. Two hospice nurses will be helping Colleen, who is an RN herself, with his care. They have converted Ian's former room into a "hospital" room.

After months of denial, the reality has finally hit Ian. He agreed to let me book him a ticket to Australia. An hour after he got off the phone, he had a round trip ticket - leaving this Sunday and returning on the 20th. I have been pressing for months for him to go and I am so grateful he is finally doing so. Colleen reported that Tim cried when he heard that his son would be coming.

I just wish I could be with Ian during this time. We haven't spent a night away from each other in nearly five years and I'm panicking a bit over the idea. Eleven days! Purely selfish thoughts on my part and I would never voice them to Ian. My prayer at this point is that he makes it in time.